it breaks my heart to talk to my mom when she knows I’m depressed, and she can’t be here to help.

she knows how I get. she knows about the frantic sobbing, and the catatonic spells, and the desire to be swallowed whole by the earth and never spat back out again. she doesn’t understand it entirely, but she knows. she was always there for me, even when I wouldn’t respond.

but now, she’s really far away, and all I can do is lay in my bed and cry. and she keeps suggesting things to make me feel better, like, “you should make some tea! it’s only a few steps to the kitchen (:”

when both of us know that she knows how hard a few steps are for me, right now.

I just want to break down and cry on her shoulder.

so my mom only sent me that care package because she sent kayla one earlier in the month and I complained about it to my nana. whoops. it’s the same “get well” package from costco, gluten-free candies and all. I really appreciate it but at the same time it also makes me really sad because my mom has no idea just how much I need help “getting well”. I may not be physically sick like my sister, but I’ve been going through hell lately.

just skyped with my mom half-drunk. woooo!

as much as she irritates me sometimes, I love her to complete pieces. we’re watching NCIS, kicked back in our jammies and enjoying a bottle of merlot. I’ve missed her (:

(Source: harrisongourd, via pleasuretownusa-deactivated2012)

it’s fred, now. fred weasley. and the other plant she bought (although she doesn’t know what it is) is george. :D

so proud of my mom

(Source: typical-teenage-thrills, via imgfave)

I’m terribly allergic and I think it smells like shit. buuuuuuut they’re saying that I can have a few beers with them, so long as I stay in tonight.

I guess if steve doesn’t call me back, then at least I’ve got something to do tonight…

(Source: dropoflovelysunshine, via imgfave)

(via laurenmydear)